10 Guilt-Free Strategies for Saying No

       

       From a party you want to skip to a loan you shouldn't lend―how to say no to life's relentless requests.

Thinking you are a bad person for saying no is a symptom of "the disease to please." "Saying yes when you need to say no causes burnout. You do yourself and the person making the request a disservice by saying yes all of the time," says author Duke Robinson. Here's how to do the right thing―for yourself and others―in 10 common scenarios where you know that opting out is your best option. Don't feel guilty. Just take these tips from experts on etiquette and communication―and a cue from your favorite two-year-old―and say no.

Saying No for the Sake of Your Wallet

Request: A friend in need asks for a Trump-worthy loan.

What you should say: "I wish I could, but as a rule, I don't lend money to friends."
Why it works: It's clear that you are not singling out this person as untrustworthy.
Why you shouldn't feel guilty: Lending any amount of money can cause problems, says communications trainer Don Gabor. "It can change the nature of your relationship if the person doesn't pay you back."

How to avoid the situation in the future: Never lend money to friends and you won't get a reputation as a walking, breathing ATM.

Request: A coworker wants you to chip in $25 for a gift for a colleague you wouldn't recognize at the watercooler.

What you should say: "Oh, I've never really had a conversation with Sam. I think I'll just wish him a happy birthday in person."

Why it works: Chances are, the person taking donations has no idea how close you are (or are not) with the intended recipient. By clarifying the nature of your relationship―and emphasizing your intention to get to know the person better―you come across as thoughtful rather than cheap.
Why you shouldn't feel guilty: "A gift isn't a gift if it's an obligation," say etiquette writers Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh.

How to avoid the situation in the future: If workplace gift giving is getting out of hand, take the lead in restoring sanity by circulating a card before someone can break out the gift-donation plate. Make sure others know you don't expect anything on your birthday.

Request: Your third cousin asks to bring her boyfriend-of-the-month to your $150-a-plate wedding reception.

What you should say: "We've already had to make so many tough decisions to get the guest list down to size. We really can't squeeze in/afford another guest. But I would love to have you two over for drinks sometime so I can meet him."

Why it works: If you illuminate some of your behind-the-scenes planning, your cousin may get a clue about the inappropriateness of the request.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: It's your party and your pocketbook, says author Patti Breitman.
How to avoid the situation in the future: Make a few calls before you put together the guest list to see if there are new additions you should consider as you plan.  

Saying No for the Sake of Your Time

Request: You are offered a promotion that you don't want. Even though it means more money, it demands more hours and more of what your boss calls responsibility and you call tedium.

What you should say: "I'm flattered that you want me, but for personal reasons I'm not in a situation where I can take this on. Perhaps in a year from now things will be different. Can we talk again if my circumstances change?"

Why it works: If you're caught in this enviable dilemma, your boss will understand you have personal priorities that take precedence.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: By saying no to more time at the office, you're saying yes to other things you cherish, be they long walks alone at sunset or evening time with your children.
How to avoid the situation in the future: "If a position opens up at your workplace, you could let it be known that you are not in the running," Breitman suggests. Being forthright saves your manager the trouble of pursuing a candidate who isn't interested.

Request: You are asked to coordinate the bake sale―again―at your child's school.

What you should say: "I know I'm going to disappoint you, but I've decided not to volunteer this year, because I fear I'll end up feeling resentful. Is there any way to get some of the other parents to step up?"

Why it works: Often people feel manipulated into doing something ("The ice cream social just won't happen without your help!"). If you can address the problematic pattern of one person's doing all the work, you sidestep the manipulation. And if you say no, it might force others (who never get asked) to say yes.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: "You've done your fair share, and now others can do this job," says Robinson.

How to avoid the situation in the future: "Encourage school leaders to present the problem to all the parents," says Robinson. "If people know an important program may fail, they'll usually remedy the situation."

Request: You're invited to a distant relative's annual Lobster Luau―for the 14th year in a row.What you should say: "I've really had fun in the past, but I can't make it this year. That week is already packed for me."

Why it works: "You've explained it in a way that doesn't sound like a personal rejection," says Robinson. "And you've asked for understanding, based on your need to take stress out of your schedule. Everyone can identify with that."

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: You have only so much free time―and so much tolerance for flying lobster goo. "Don't R.S.V.P. yes, then back out at the last minute or, worse, not show up at all," say Izzo and Marsh. "That is the least decorous way of handling the invite."

How to avoid the situation in the future: In a note, thank the relative for thinking of you and explain that because you tend to be busy at this time of year, he should feel free to take you off his invite list.

Request: Your boss asks you to supervise this season's intern―last seen with her feet up on a desk, iPod on, Gameboy in hand.

What you should say: "Wow, that's an interesting project. I'm really busy with the ABC assignment right now, so let me know if you want me to re-prioritize."

Why it works: "Asking your boss to prioritize tasks for you means you don't have to actually say the no word," Breitman says. If she tells you to just squeeze the new task in, then do it. But keep a list of all the extra work you've done―for your next review.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: You really do have enough work to do as it is.
How to avoid the situation in the future: If extra tasks keep getting dumped on your desk, ask your boss for a meeting. Explain that the added assignments are making it hard to do your primary job properly. Ask if she wants to review your job description (and renegotiate your salary while she's at it).  

Saying No for the Sake of Your Sanity

Request: A friend asks to borrow your car (because hers is in the shop to repair the dent she got while driving, talking on her cell phone, and unwrapping her kid's juice-box straw).

What you should say: "I don't lend anything worth more than $1,000." Try to avoid the old "I don't have insurance for a non-family member" excuse―most insurance policies cover the car, not specific drivers. (If your friend got into an accident, it could make your premium go up, though.) If you have time, offer her a ride instead.

Why it works: "It puts the blame on you," explains author Patti Breitman. "Just don't indicate you don't trust the friend."

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: "Your car is probably the first or second most valuable thing you own," says Breitman. "You're protecting a big financial asset." Plus, if your friend were to get into an accident, your relationship might be totaled, too.

How to avoid the situation in the future: Let your friends know that while you're typically a generous lender ("Of course you can borrow my snorkeling gear!"), your car is off-limits.

Request: A guest offers to bring her seven-layer dip to your party. It doesn’t really go with the Greek theme you have planned.

What you should say: "What a kind offer―thank you. I have already planned the menu, but do you have any dietary restrictions I should know about?" If she's just asking to be nice and insists on bringing something, suggest a bottle of wine or a loaf of bread.

Why it works: By acknowledging the generosity of the offer, you let that person know she did all she could. Of course, if the person has dietary restrictions that make cooking difficult for you, relent and let her bring a dish she can eat.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: The person is most likely offering just to be courteous. By saying no, you give her license to relax and enjoy your hospitality.

How to avoid the situation in the future: When you invite people, ask if there is anything they don’t eat, because you want to make sure your menu works for everyone. Emphasize the word menu, so people know that you have a plan or a theme for the meal (and so they won’t try to upset it).

Request: Your future sister-in-law wants to throw you a shower, but you don’t want the fuss.

What you should say: "I really don't want a party, but thank you so much for offering. Why don't we splurge on a visit to a day spa instead?"

Why it works: "Not everyone likes a party in her honor or wants to be the center of attention with a paper plate of bows on her head," say etiquette writers Kim Izzo and Ceri Marsh. Unless she has her own agenda, she should understand.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: "If you decline, you are taking away some pleasure from the people who care about you, but it is your occasion to shout about or be quiet about," say Izzo and Marsh.
How to avoid the situation in the future: Announce what you would prefer to do instead of a shower before anyone offers to throw one.

How to do Pranayam

Six Methods:Bhastrika Pranayam: Bellows BreathKapalbhati Pranayam: Shining Forehead BreathAnulom Vilom Pranayam: Alternate Nostril BreathBahya Pranayam: External BreathBhramari Pranayam: Bee BreathUdgeeth Pranayam:

Pranayam (also spelled Pranayama) is an ancient Indian practice concerned with controlling your breath. Research has shown that practicing Pranayama may be able to relieve symptoms of asthma. It may be beneficial in treating stress related disorders, such as anxiety and depression.There are a total of six types of Pranayam practice, all of which are detailed here.

Method 1

Bhastrika Pranayam: Bellows Breath

1. 
   
   
   
   Breathe in deeply through your nostrils. First, feel the diaphragm move down, allowing the lungs to expand and forcing the abdomen out; then feel your chest expand with your collar bones rising last.
2. 
   
   
   
   Breath out quickly through your nostrils. Feel your collar bones dropping, chest deflating, and abdomen shrinking as the lungs collapse. This process of exhaling should be much faster than the process of inhaling -- almost like a rapid deflation.
3. 
   
   
   
   Repeat the process. When correctly done, your chest will expand when you breathe in and deflate when you breathe out. Continue doing this for 5 minutes.
4. 
   
   
   
   With practice, speed up your breathing. Beginners should always start slowly to avoid hyperventilating, but eventually it will be possible to turn this into a rapid breathing technique.

1. 
   
   
   
   Inhale through your nostrils normally until your lungs are full. Keep your inhalation slow but unforced. First, feel the diaphragm move down, allowing the lungs to expand and forcing the abdomen out; then feel your chest expand with your collar bones rising last.
2. 
   
   
   
   Exhale through both nostrils forcefully. This places the emphasis of the breath on the exhale rather than the (natural) inhale. Assist your exhalation by pulling in your stomach muscles to expel air. Exhaling should take much less time than it took to inhale.
   

   • “Forced” exhalation means that the contraction of your stomach muscles helps push the air out of your body. It does not mean that the exhalation should be uncomfortable for you in any way.
3. 
   
   
   
   Repeat breaths for 15 minutes. You may take a minute's rest after every five minutes.

Method 3

Anulom Vilom Pranayam: Alternate Nostril Breath

1. 
   
   
   
   Close your eyes. Focus your attention on your breathing.
2. 
   
   
   
   Close the right nostril with the right thumb. Simply press the thumb against your nostril to block it.
3. 
   
   
   
   Inhale slowly through the left nostril. Fill your lungs with air. First, feel the diaphragm move down, allowing the lungs to expand and forcing the abdomen out; then feel your chest expand with your collar bones rising last.
4. 
   
   
   
   Remove your thumb from your right nostril. Keep your right hand by your nose and your lungs full of air.
5. 
   
   
   
   Use your ring and middle finger to close your left nostril. Most people find it easier to continue using the same hand to block either nostril, but you’re welcome to switch hands depending on which nostril you’re blocking.
   

   • You can also switch if your arm gets tired.
6. 
   
   
   
   Exhale slowly and completely with the right nostril. Feel the collar bones dropping, chest deflating, and abdomen shrinking as the lungs collapse. When you've finished exhaling, keep your left nostril closed.
7. 
   
   
   
   Inhale through the right nostril. Fill your lungs.
8. 
   
   
   
   Close the right nostril and open the left.
9. 
   
   
   
   Breathe out slowly through the left nostril. This process is one round of Anulom Vilom Pranayam.
10. 
    
    
    
    Continue for 15 minutes. You may take a minute's rest after every five minutes of exercise.

Method 4

Bahya Pranayam: External Breath

1. 
   
   
   
   Inhale deeply through your nose. First, feel the diaphragm move down, allowing the lungs to expand and forcing the abdomen out; then feel your chest expand with your collar bones rising last.
2. 
   
   
   
   Exhale forcefully. Use your stomach and diaphragm to push the air from your body. “Forced” exhalation means that the contraction of your stomach muscles helps push the air out of your body. It does not mean that the exhalation should be uncomfortable for you in any way.
3. 
   
   
   
   Touch your chin to your chest and suck in your stomach completely. The goal is to leave a hollow below your ribcage, making it look like the front muscle wall of your abdomen is pressed against the back. Hold this position -- and your breath -- for as long as is comfortable.
4. 
   
   
   
   Lift your chin and breathe in slowly. Allow your lungs to completely fill with air.
5. 
   
   
   
   Repeat 3 to 5 times.

Method 5

Bhramari Pranayam: Bee Breath

1. 
   
   
   
   Close your eyes. Focus on your breathing.
2. 
   
   
   
   Place your thumbs in your ears, your index fingers above your eyebrows, and your remaining along the sides of your nose. Keep each pinky finger near a nostril.
3. 
   
   
   
   Breath in deeply through the nose. First, feel the diaphragm move down, allowing the lungs to expand and forcing the abdomen out; then feel your chest expand with your collar bones rising last.
4. 
   
   
   
   Use your pinkies to partially close each nostril. Keep your lungs filled.
5. 
   
   
   
   Breathe out through the nose while humming. Note that the humming sound should originate in your throat, not as a result of your partially-blocked nostrils.
6. 
   
   
   
   Repeat three times.

Method 6

Udgeeth Pranayam: Chanting Breath

1. 
   
   
   
   Breathe in deeply through the nose. First, feel the diaphragm move down, allowing the lungs to expand and forcing the abdomen out; then feel your chest expand with your collar bones rising last.
2. 
   
   
   
   Exhale very slowly while saying Om. Allow the syllable to draw out as slowly as you can. Make sure to keep the O long and the M short. (“OOOOOOm.”)
3. 
   
   
   
   Repeat 3 times.

How to do Pranayam: Yoga Breathing Exercises You Must Include in Your Routine

• The word is derived from 'Prana' which stands for 'life force'
• Yogic texts describe Prana as a potent force
• Breathing lies at the center of human existence

Those who follow yoga may have heard of the practice of pranayam. The word is derived from 'Prana' which stands for 'life force' and 'Ayama' which means 'to lengthen or to work on it'. Prana, in yogic terms, means the force within the body that is vital for the functioning of the body as well as its vitality. Yogic texts describe Prana as a potent force that runs through various chakras and nadis in the body to keep the body healthy, energized and invigorated. Breathing plays an extremely crucial role in the regulation and maintenance of Prana.

It is believed that when the Prana is not able to move freely in the body - due to blockages in chakras or nadis - a person begins to harbour sickness. The concept of prana and its effect on a person's well-being has more to do with the mental state, mindfulness and the emotional health of a person. Interestingly, just the way we breathe may affect the way we perceive things as well as our mental health. Therefore, pranayama is a simple practice of many breathing techniques and asanas that promote emotional, mental and physical well-being.

_{Anulom Vilom}

Breathing lies at the center of human existence, therefore it forms the core of any yogic practice. Breathing facilitates oxygen supply to the brain as well as to rest of the body. According to your prakriti, pranayam can have varying effects on your state of mind as well as emotional health.

"Most people breathe incorrectly. They use only the small part of their lung's capacity," noted yoga expert Anju Kalhan. Shallow breathing - not using lung's capacity to the fullest - deprives the body of oxygen and prana, which are essential for good health. Correct breathing is also a great way to detoxify the body.

Pranayam benefits

The benefits of practicing pranayam can be many. Apart from rendering vitality to the body, it also enhances the quality of prana and makes you feel more uplifted, motivated, positive and happier. Yoga is essentially a practice that aims at cleansing, balancing, fixing, strengthening and challenging the body both from within as well as on the outside. While you learn to breathe correctly, you're setting things right internally, giving various bodily processes a thorough cleanse. Pranayam is a practice that helps in bringing the body, mind and soul in sync. Practicing pranayama has great benefits for people suffering from anxiety disorders, depression and other mental-health issues.

_{Pranayam helps in calming your mind}

Yoga breathing techniques

The typical yogic breathing technique is popularly known as the Ujjayi breathing wherein you take a long breath first filling up your stomach and then the chest. While you inhale, the stomach is the first to go in followed by the chest. This facilitates maximum oxygen retention by the body. Yoga expert Mithilesh Kumar calls Ujjayi breathing a great way to get rid of respiratory issues, heart troubles, digestive disorders, stress and lung-related problems.

Types of pranayam

Yogic breathing techniques are easy to do and can be done in the comfort of your home. However, do get in touch with a certified yoga expert before you try any of these. Certain pranayam techniques like Surya Bhedi (right-to-right nostril breathing - heat-generating/fire dominated technique) or Chandra Bhedi Pranayam (left-to-left breathing; cooling/water dominated technique) target specific issues and must be practiced only on being recommended. Kapalbhati is one of the most popular types of pranayam wherein a person takes a long breath and then exhales in short, intermittent bursts. Alternate nostril (Anulom Vilom) breathing is another easy exercise. Breathing retention is another type of pranayam that helps strengthen lung capacity. Inhale a deep breath and hold for as long as you can, this ensures greater oxygen supply and absorption. However, if you suffer from hypertension of heart issue, skip practicing breathing retention.

_{It is recommended to do Kapalbhati after Jal Neti Kriya}

Yogic breathing while getting into postures

Yogic practice is futile and fruitless if you don't breathe correctly while getting in and out of the posture. Always remember, if you're in middle of practicing a posture, you must inhale once you get in the center position and exhale when the body moves away from the center position. Exhale while going sideways or bending forward and inhale while bending backward.

Always remember that respiration is closely tied to the heart and the quality of your heart health directly affects the span of your life, therefore take a deep breath.