Let’s be honest, you usually know when
your relationship is going badly. But what’s harder to recognise is if
your partner is unhappy. Sometimes the relationship is ticking along
totally fine - or at least, you think it is - but something has changed
in your partner’s mind. They’re just not happy anymore. You’re 100%
their type on paper but something’s off. And nobody wants to be
blindsided by a break up. But if the relationship seems ok, how do you know that one might be coming your way?
Luckily, if you keep your eyes open, there are
usually some signs that things have changed. "There are definitely some
signs that your partner is thinking of a break up that you can be aware
of," relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein
tells Cosmopolitan UK. And while some of them you might expect, there
are others that come as more of surprise. So here’s what you need to
look out for…
1. They’re just not available
This
one is a no-brainer - you can sense when someone is ignoring you. And
there’s normally a reason why they are. “If you find that the person is
much less available than they used to be, something may be going on,”
Aimee says. “Did you two used to have much more contact? Do they not
return your calls and texts in the same timely manner that they used
to?” If they’re not available and seem distant when you’re around them,
then something’s shifted and they don’t want you to know about it...
yet.
2. They’re seeking out other people
“Another
sign is that they’re going out on their own with friends much more than
normal,” Aimee says. “They might be reaching out to people to talk and
try to decide if a break up is the right thing for them to do.” Make
sure that you’re just not being paranoid with this one, because it’s
always important for people to get time with their friends. But you can
totally see that they’d be looking for advice if they’re thinking about a
break up. So file being shady with their phone as another sign, because
if they’re talking to other people about it then they’re not going to
want you to see what’s on their mind.
3. They’re moody
Being in a
bad a mood with you can be a sign that someone’s feeling really guilty.
“Also, are they suddenly moody, upset, or irritable?” Aimee asks. “That
one can obviously mean many things, but when someone is considering a
break up, they are often upset and/or withdrawn.” If you feel like you
just can’t do anything right in their eyes, you may need to ask them
what’s going on.
4. They’re accusing you of not being interested anymore
Projection,
much? Breaking up with someone isn’t fun, so it’s not unusual for
someone to try to put it all on you. Either they act like such a d*ck
that they hope you’ll break up with them or they just start accusing you
of not caring enough. It’s really hurtful and just makes a bad
situation worse, but it happens all the time. Because, you know, grown
ups.
5. They’ve stopped making future plans
One
way you can tell that they’re not thinking you’re going to last long is
if they stop discussing the future. And we’re not even talking
marriage, babies, career future — they’re going to stop talking about
trips you want to go on or concerts you were planning on going to. Being
super vague about what’s coming up often means that the future feels
like a blank slate to them, which is not a good sign for your
relationship.
Now look, just because they’re thinking about a breakup
doesn’t mean it’s going to happen. “If you have reason to believe your
partner is pulling away and might be thinking about breaking up, the
best thing to do is to sit down and have a talk with them,” Aimee says.
“They likely have lots of stuff on their mind and it would be helpful
for both of you if you two could discuss it together.” So if you
recognise the signs, make sure you say something - it could save your
relationship.
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